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Next week I will be doing my TEDx Manitoba talk and I am sooo excited! The topic I’ll be discussing is FAILURE and more specifically how our fear of failure stops us from living the most fulfilling life possible.
When I came across the following article it struck me! It described how Bronnie Wave’s life was transformed when she learned the most common regrets people have in life. I thought it appropriate to share it in this newsletter because often failure stops us from truly enjoying our lives and leaves us with regrets! So read up, take action and don’t let fear of failure give you life long regrets!
Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie Wave
Live your life with NO REGRETS!
Live with NO REGRETS!
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last 3 to 12 weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
This post was originally published on Inspiration and Chai.
Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. She has recently released a full-length book titled ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing’. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. For more information, please visit Bronnie’s official website at www.bronnieware.com or her blog at www.inspirationandchai.com.
PEACE YOU!!
By Aisha Alfa from Alfa Life Coaching
Go in Peace!
Peace You Man!
The other day I was driving home and I pulled into traffic from a tricky corner….you know the ones where you can’t see anyone because of parked cars….and the only way to see if the coast is clear is to pull out and basically get into traffic! So you can see the catch 22 of the situation!
I thought the coast was clear after much waiting and pulled out only to realize there was indeed someone coming at full speed. “No biggie, I just accidentally cut someone off,” I thought, “I’ll just give an enthusiastic wave and sorry and all is well in the driving universe again!”
The man who I had cut off drove by and I mouthed “SO SORRY!!!” while waving and in return I got back and angry face, the middle finger and some cursing (if I can read lips properly).
It took me a moment to regain my composure as I felt like I had just been smacked in the face for making a mistake. I thought, certainly this man has at some point in his driving career also accidentally cut someone off, how can he be so angry at me for doing the same thing when it was so clearly an accident.
That’s when it sunk in…he’s not angry at me. He’s finding any small opportunity to take a second chance at releasing energy, emotion, anger, frustration and disappointment! Being annoyed or angry when someone cuts you off is a normal reaction, but when they apologetic and you still take the time to push negative energy their way it goes above and beyond. Surely he didn’t think I cut him off on purpose or because I had something against him!! This guy could really use a re-set button!
So when I inevitably drove past him in the run of traffic I simply thought peaceful and happy thoughts at him to help him have a better afternoon. And that’s when I decided to make a point of smothering road rage with peace and happiness!!!
So from now on, when someone gives me the finger I will give them back two….my index and my middle to make the sign for PEACE!! Join the tiny road revolution and say an enthusiastic “PEACE YOU!!” to anyone who cuts you off, “PEACE YOU!” to the person who almost swerves into you because they are chatting on their cell phone, “PEACE YOU!” to the parking attendant who gave you the ticket even though you were just in dropping something off and couldn’t have been parked in the loading zone for more than 5 mins seriously!!!
To avoid being filled with road rage, start this year off with a Kick-Start Package from Alfa Life Coaching and get rid of any lingering anger, frustration and negativity from 2011! Start 2012 from a place of positivity, possibility and peace!
PEACE YOU my friends and hope to see some happier drivers this season!
Aisha Alfa, BA (Psych), CPC
Owner, Certified Professional Coach
The day I realized I was born to be WILD & WOOLY!
A couple of days ago I went to get me a delicious blizzard ( I love me some ice cream!!!) And I was standing in front of a couple who started talking about my hair—it’s a fabulous fro!!! (see attached photo) I had pinned back parts and the top bit was lovely and big and floppy and all over the place!! I was in love with my hair that day. The couple behind me was making fun of how big, all over the place and wild my hair was and not making it secret that they were talking about it. They started laughing away and once I had ordered I turned around to have a look.
To my surprise it wasn’t some young teenagers but in fact a middle-aged couple. I looked the man in the eyes to get a sense of where he was coming from and he simply laughed. Then I examined the situation.
I felt hurt, angry and annoyed! Who the hell was he to laugh at me and my hair? This was how it was designed to grow…wild and wooly! For years I had chemically relaxed it denying myself the ability to embrace my natural growth. It was only recently that I came to terms with how overwhelmingly wonderful my crazy, unique and wild hair could really be. I embraced it (even through the super UGLY transition period at the beginning). There was no way a little giggle was going to make me back down from the proud hair decision I had made!
And then suddenly I began to laugh. I realized there was no reason to feel angry, sad or annoyed by their laughter because although they may not have understood the power of the fro, I certainly did! So instead I simply joined in. Then the couple stopped laughing and got all awkward and looked away.
It was strange how, not only did laughing take away the negative feelings I was having about the situation, but it actually made me feel fabulous!! It made me reconnect with why I had begun allowing my natural hair to grow out in the first place! It was to allow my natural abilities to truly shine again; to allow my true talents out; to stop hiding who I really was born to be!!! I am a lioness, with a proud heritage, a ferocious growl and a wild and wooly mane!!! Growwwwwl!!!
I walked away with a great sense of pride about how much joy my beautiful coif gave me. It continues to give me joy every moment of every day because it is one less thing part of myself that I am trying to stifle. It is an integral part of me I have learned to love, cherish and feel absolute pride about!!
The point of this whole rant is that the more you can enjoy and appreciate exactly who you were born to be, the happier, cooler and more respected you will be! Growl on lionesses, growl on!
“Operation Las Vegas comedy adventure” with Winnipeg’s Aisha Alfa
Aisha Alfa is a life coach by day and a comedian by night. She came out on top of Winnipeg’s Funniest Person with a Day Job contest and the prize was an 8 minute opening set at the Las Vegas Comedy Show in the Alexis Part Resort Hotel.
What happens in Vegas doesn’t neccesarily stay in Vegas, otherwise Aisha would have never agreed to send us this update.
Aisha Alfa, second from the left (unknown tourist)
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Day One
A cluster of lights in the dessert, Elvis in the airport, a showgirl walking down the strip. This is Las Vegas where the big wigs of performance come and here I was, an amateur Winnipeg comedian, rubbing elbows with Marilyn Monroe…well at least a great impersonator.
My prize for winning Winnipeg’s Funniest Person with a Day Job was an 8 minute opening set at the Las Vegas Comedy Show in the Alexis Part Resort Hotel . At the comedy club I went through the back to meet with Joe Lowers, the headliner and owner of the joint and noticed the room was empty.
Naturally I assumed that was because the hoards of crowds were being kept at bay behind a velvet rope. That was dashed when Joe said, “the show tonight will most likely be cancelled.” Lurch!!!
I felt disappointed until I sat down with Joe and Lou Maglowitz, the host of the show, to talk about comedy and it was an honest and helpful conversation that will surely progress my comedy career. In an empty room, we sat and discussed the comedy scene, our best and worst sets and (as comedians do) we razzed each other.
It was one of the best nights of comedy I have ever had–who knew an empty room could be so warm!
I gained something quite unique and valuable from the cancelation: Las Vegas is no different than any other city. There are more lights, and scantily clad women, but the performers work just as hard if not harder to impress an audience. Times can be tough, but the same remains–if you love what you do, you can do it anywhere!
Day 2
Got to the comedy club and went backstage to the “greenroom” where Joe was waiting with some other comedians. One comedian said he heard there was a Canadian performing and he came to see her!
Turns out all you have to do is be from somewhere other than America to gain a fan base! Success!
The MC introduced me as the winner of Winnipeg’s Funniest Person with a Day Job which got a huge laugh….okay this crowd is going to be generous! He mis-pronounced my name, even though he practiced it backstage with me 10 times, which was a brilliant lead into my first joke about the pronunciation of my name!
The set was wonderful, the crowd laughed often and I felt like an absolute star! My first comedy gig in Las Vegas is now under my belt and I’m ready for more! Here’s the video of my set, I got 10mins instead of 8 so the light and sound guy must have liked me!
5 ways to have more fun in your everyday life
Looking for fun?
Don’t put it off to that vacation you may never take or the ATV you can’t afford. You don’t need a special occasion to have fun, says Aisha Alfa, a certified life coach in Winnipeg. “We’re so much more productive, creative, loving and accepting when we are in a joyful state,” she points out. “If we could create that state more often, we could accomplish more, and we’d have a better self-image and perspective on life.”
It’s not hard to inject more fun in your day-to-day life. The first step is to forget the idea that it’s only for kids, and be open to adding enjoyment to your daily routines. Here are five ways you can have much more fun:
1. Go after laughter
If you suspect you’re laughing less as time goes on, you may be right. A researcher at University of Glamorgan in Wales concluded that as people age, they don’t laugh as often. But giggles are good for you: They lower stress levels, exercise your lungs, strengthen your immune system and may even protect you against heart disease. Plus, laughing is loads of fun. Make a point of watching a funny movie, TV show or stand-up comedy routine. Click on those hilarious videos your Facebook pals are passing around. Tell some jokes. Do a laughter exercise first thing in the morning by bending over, stretching and laughing your head off.
2. Switch up your same-old
Stuck in a rut? Now, that’s no fun. “In our routines, we tend to become less and less present and aware,” says Alfa. Try shaking things up a little. Take a different walk to work or school and admire the scenery. Do your weekly grocery shopping at a store you’re not used to. Who knows what new gourmet treats you may find? It doesn’t even have to be much of a change to make it fun. “What if you slept in your bed the opposite way? It gives you a giggle!” Alfa says.
3. Sign up with your social circle
If you’re planning to take an exercise class or evening course, get friends to go with you. Now you have a regular excuse to spend time with folks who make you feel good, and your leg lifts or study sessions will be a lot more fun. My weekly aqua fitness sessions were a hoot when my pal joined in and we cracked jokes throughout class. Experts at the Canadian Institute for Advanced Research say that people are happier when they have a connection to their community. There’s even widespread evidence that physical activity—like the kind you get from a regular workout—improves your sense of well-being.
4. Do something you suck at
Yes, really! Whether it’s tackling a recipe for cheese soufflé, flying a kite with your neighbour’s kid or working on your swan dive, it can be fun to add activities to your everyday life that you haven’t mastered. We’re not talking about setting yourself up for frustration, but challenging yourself to a task you don’t yet know how to do. Without the pressure of having to be perfect, you’re free to laugh at your clumsy attempts, maybe learn something new and, most important of all, just enjoy yourself. The world won’t end if you fail, because nothing’s riding on your success, although Alfa notes: “You might succeed in ways you’re not expecting to, like changing your routine, networking with people or getting alone time. There’s success in everything.”
5. Practise peace, love and forgiveness
Naturally, life is less fun when you’re hung up on your neighbour’s noisy car muffler, your sister’s gossiping habit or even your own flabby thighs. When you make a point of extending goodwill and forgiveness—and yes, that includes a healthy dose of self-love—you can let go of what makes you grumpy. “It sounds corny,” says Alfa, “but the more we can accept ourselves and the people around us, the more we can push the boundaries, and experience joy and laughter in places we didn’t expect to have it.”
Article written by Lisa Bendall and appeared in Best Health Magazine