Meet Patti
DARE to step beyond your ordinary.
- Dreams
- Awareness
- Responsibility
- Execution
Adventure is an attitude…not an activity.
Is Discomfort Comfortable?
If you’ve been reading some of my blogs, you’ll begin to see a pattern that many of my ideas, thoughts, and musing come to me when I am on my daily walk with my dog.
Well, today was another opportunity for a life metaphor to find its way to me. I’ve been thinking about the idea of the “comfort zone” a lot lately and what it actually takes for people to step outside of their ordinary way of being. I was thinking about this again on my walk today.
At the very moment I was pondering the concept that in order for people to make a change, they have to actually feel some discomfort, I saw ducks on the river. So what’s so unusual about that, you might ask? Well, it is the middle of winter here in Winnipeg and to say it’s been mild is an understatement. It’s been above freezing temperatures in January and there was actually melting happening on the streets. Despite this mildness, it’s been cold enough for long enough that the river has been frozen and as far as I knew, all of the geese and ducks had headed south long ago. I hadn’t seen either for a few months.
Are you uncomfortable yet?
So these particular ducks I saw today, there were four of them, had settled into an open, unfrozen spot in the river where the nearby water treatment plant discharges water. They seemed comfortable, swimming around in the water, dipping their heads in the water. But where were all the other ducks and geese if the water was so comfortable? My conclusion was that the majority of the other waterfowl simply found it too uncomfortable so they had to move on, they had to change, they were no longer willing to tolerate the discomfort. These ducks I saw today simply had a different level of tolerance for the cold and the snow. They were finding a way to deal with the discomfort.
People are the same. It’s only when we feel discomfort, are challenged, or step beyond our ordinary that we change or grow. Some people can only tolerate a little bit of discomfort and decide to make a change while others require long term pain before they change, and this is all based on one’s own perspective.
Sometimes we are taken out of our comfort zone because of external circumstances like the loss of a meaningful relationship through break-up or death, getting fired from a job, a health concern of our own or someone we care for, or some sort of perceived failure. There are other times when we choose to step beyond our ordinary, our typical way of being because we want to be in control of our growth and be purposeful about it. With these intentional growth experiences, we are then so much better prepared and practised to handle the challenges the life presents to us.
I know for me, I have done many things on purpose and of my own free will to make myself uncomfortable, knowing that I’ll learn something really valuable in the process. I’ve slept outside in the middle of winter, I’ve run marathons, I’ve posted a picture of my naked bum on my blog, and I’m running this life coaching business to help others who want to break free from their ordinary and learn to live of life that is congruent with their natural self.
I have also experiences discomfort and pain that was way beyond any of my choosing. Loss of friends, a bully boss, a miscarriage, emergency surgeries, relationship struggles, and many others. With time to reflect and eventual acceptance, all of these experiences were my growth spurts. The greater the pain, the greater the growth.
There is always a choice to stay with the discomfort and endure the pain. Explore Life Coaching provides service that may help you to find the lessons in your life and create a path to a stronger you.
Top 5 Gifts for Christmas
It’s getting to be that time of the year when you have to tear through the stores to find the perfect “in” gift for Christmas. Doesn’t everyone need the newest fashion hat with built-in headphones, the most up-to-date Ipod, the new blender with multi-level blade technology, that new electronic Yahtzee game that saves you from the burden of rolling dice? Well, if these gifts will make the people in your life happy and you can afford it (or put it on credit), then why not, you say? But wait a minute, didn’t you just do that a year ago; bought the trendiest and most sought after gifts of the season? What happened to those gifts? Are they simply replaceable with newer and better? Some gifts do seem to have a shelf life and others have the power to last a life a life time. Why not consider these gifts ideas that last more than just one season:
• The gift of a hug
“A hug is the perfect gift; one size fits all and no one minds if you return it.”
For babies, a hug contributes positively to their physical growth and mental development. For kids, a hug is a symbol of security and love. Between adults, a hug allows for an exchange of caring and support without using any words. AND research indicates that for women in particular, hugging can decrease the chances of heart disease.
• The gifts of kind words
“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” (Mother Teresa)
In our current society, there is a great expectation to behave in certain ways and a tendency to judge people against a very high standard that almost no one can live up to. As a result, we often feel negative about ourselves and our lives. We can certainly offer kind words to others in an attempt to counter the over-abundance of negatively around us.
• The gift of gratitude
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it” (William Arthur Ward)
We all know how good it feels when we receive appreciation and a heart felt thank-you. Sometimes we make assumptions that others know we appreciate them so we don’t bother to say it out loud. But there are two huge benefits to sharing gratitude. The first is that it reinforces the behavior in the receiver that you were thankful for. The second benefit is that it encourages the receiver to pay forward the gift of gratitude.
• The gift of play
“Play energizes and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism.” (Stuart Brown)
As we become adults, it’s so much harder to play than it was when we were kids. Play has no rules, no expectations, and no judgment. This is a great contrast to our adult life. To truly offer a gift a play, lead by example. Do something that brings you joy and invite others to join you. Be sure to suspend judgment and be open to let whatever happens, happen.
• The gift of time
In our hurried way of life, time has truly become a scarce commodity. Rarely do we find the time to sit down with the ones we love to find out what’s really going on for them and offer them a listening ear or a helping hand. As my parents have grown older, they have impressed upon me that the time I spend with them, listening and reminiscing is far more valuable to them than an expensive box of Bernard Callebaut chocolates (as delicious as they are!)
Long after that super gadget loses its appeal, these five power gifts will last forever.
Action Towards Accountability
When we are accountable, we follow through on our obligation to ourselves and to those around us, and are willing to accept the consequences (positive or negative) of our actions.. However, when there is a negative consequence, we witness blaming others all the time from the government level to our personal relationships (“she made me react this way”). When there is a positive consequence, people are often quick to give credit away for the successes in life (“it was just luck”). What is so hard about being accountable? Perhaps it’s because if we are accountable, we have to realize that we take full responsibility for all the choices we make in life.
Ideally, each of us is personally accountable to our own actions, but it’s very hard. One way to move towards personal accountability is to enlist someone in your life to help keep you on track with your actions, your goals, and your dreams. By expressing your intentions to someone else, your level of accountability goes up significantly; especially if that person is willing to take the extra steps and actually hold you to whatever you have said you were going to do.
When you ask someone to assist you in staying accountable to yourself, it’s helpful to be fully aware of what you’re requesting of them and that it’s not easy to assume that responsibility.
It’s not that easy for two main reasons:
1. Holding someone accountable – to what they intend, to their goals, dreams, and passions – is at times, not that “friendly.”
The person who assumes this role in your life shouldn’t mind if at times you don’t like them and you’re irritated with them. They’re not going to just smile, back off and change the subject to something pleasant when you try to convince them it’s no longer what you want (when it really is).
One who holds you accountable to what you truly need and want, should not be concerned about being liked by you all the time.
2. The one who holds you accountable has to be firm in their own self-worth and not use you as a measure of whether they feel good about themselves.
For example, some people only feel good in their relationships if they can be sure that they are more accomplished, more self-actualized and all around better than the other person. Once you start to grow and move forward in your life, they begin to feel bad for what they themselves are unconsciously not willing to do.
If your progress makes them feel like they should be pulling up their socks, that it raises the bar and the standard of action, then a person who is not trained to deal with these feelings might very well HOLD YOU BACK, without even knowing it.
This can sadly occur with best friends, close family and the very people who you would love to give the job of holding you to your self-commitments.
Therefore, find a person who is willing to risk not being liked by you, being avoided by you, who will actually chase you (with your permission!) so they can hold your hand while reminding you of the things you most want to do, and see you through to the other side of it, holding the space for you to succeed.
Consider a life coach. Accountability is what life coaches do best!
When life gives you lemons, make peach pie
It was two years ago this fall that my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It wasn’t a surprise to those close to her. The signs had been there for a number of years previous.
For me, the change that was most significant was my mom’s decreasing interest in cooking. She had always been one to read through magazines and the newspaper, looking for those recipes that she wanted to experiment with and share with others. I was always happy to be a guinea pig for her and I truly loved my mom’s cooking. She is one of those people that has a knack for knowing what flavours go together. When my mom was no longer trying new recipes and was resorting to pre-prepared meals, I knew something was up.
The other thing that hinted to me that my mom’s mental capacity was changing was also related to cooking. My mom knew everyone’s favourite food and would do her best to cater to each family member’s preferences. She knew who liked green beans, who didn’t like fish; who would try new things and who preferred meat and potatoes. And she knew that my favourite pie was peach pie, made from fresh peaches. Once a year, when Canadian grown peaches made it to the supermarket, I knew I could count on my mom baking that one peach pie for me (of course I did have to share!).
Then about three years ago, the peaches were in the store and I was wondering out loud to my mom when she was going to make my pie. Without any apology or explanation, she simply said she wasn’t going to make one. To say I was devastated may seem like an overreaction, but I was. It wasn’t so much about not getting the pie. It was much more about what my mom’s cooking and baking meant to me. This was the way that I had experienced my mom’s expression of love. My mom didn’t say “I love you” with words. She said it by being so excited to have me taste test her new creation and by making that once-a-year pie. I felt a little like my mom was forgetting how to love me.
I have to say that I have been quite resentful that my mom never warned me when she last served me peach pie, that it would be the last one I would ever have made by her. If I’d have known, I wonder how much more I would have savoured it; remembered it; appreciated it. I tried for the last two peach seasons to jog my mom’s memory so that she could once again make me that pie. If I could have just had one more pie, it would have been the best pie I ever had.
So it’s been awhile since I’ve had peach pie. I’ve been convinced that no other pie could ever be as good as that last pie my mom never made. I knew no other pie could ever contain enough love to sustain me through my mom’s deteriorating memory and decreased attachment to me and the rest of her family.
But, this fall, when the peaches arrived in the produce department, I stopped. I picked one up and gave it a good smell. I decided I could make my own peach pie, damn it. I told my mom I had bought peaches and tried to get any recollection out of her that I could about how she prepared the pie but I got nothing. So, to the internet I went and discovered a recipe worth trying. The tables were turned and now my mom (and dad) were the guinea pigs for my creation. In my first mouthful, I knew it wasn’t right. It had the wrong texture and there was too much cinnamon but my parents loved it and had no tips to make it better. Back to the internet I went and found another recipe. This time I read it to my mom. As I read the ingredient list she said “Yeah, my pie had tapioca!” When I noted there was no cinnamon in this recipe, she replied “I never put cinnamon in my peach pie”.
So back to the kitchen I went. Today, I served my mom (and dad) a peach pie that tasted just like my mom’s. And even though the recipe didn’t call for it, I tried to include enough love in it to sustain me to the end. Thanks Mom, for teaching me that giving love is equally, if not more comforting than receiving love.
Are you spending enough time with your gal pals?
I just read about a course that is taught at Stanford University that discusses the mind/body connection and its relationship to stress and disease. The head of psychiatry at Stanford shared that one of the best things that a man can do for his health is to be married to a woman. On the other hand, for a woman, one of the best things she can do for her health is to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. Initially the students thought he was joking, but he was serious.
Women connect with each other in a unique way, providing the support needed to help deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Quality “girlfriend time” helps us to create more serotonin – a chemical produced by the brain that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities.
As women, we are wired to share from our souls and evidently that is very good for our health. Research says that expressing feelings and thoughts with others is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.
We tend to think that we’re only “exercising” when we’re doing something physical with our bodies, and when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged. This isn’t true. In fact, this head of psychiatry said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!
So, every time you hang out with a gal pal, give yourself credit for doing something good for your health! Let’s celebrate our friendship with our girlfriends and make sure we keep taking the time to connect.
The opportunities that are offered by the Happy Monkey Club are truly good for your health. That’s why I’m so proud to have partnered Explore Life Coaching with this great network of positive women.